Teen-parent sex discussion should be ongoing

[00:00:00] Host Amber Smith: Here's some expert advice from pediatrician, Aimee Steiniger from Upstate Medical University. When and how should parents talk to their kids about sex?

[00:00:11] Aimee Steiniger, MD: What's really important about this is talking to your kids or teenagers about sex shouldn't just be one big talk and then it be over. It's really something that should be a process that, over time, teens and young adults can learn about, and that there's an open door of communication between parents and their young people.

That kind of relationship can really help teens know that they can come to parents when they're wondering about how their body might be changing when they're younger or maybe about sex when they're older. I think whenever your teen comes to you with a question about sex, it's important to answer it in a developmentally appropriate way.

One of the ways that can open a door is when teens come across this information, either on social media or on the television or through music, it's really important that you can use those opportunities as a way to open the door and talk about sex and healthy relationships. It's a good chance to talk to them about what they saw on the TV or heard in the song and ask them what they think about it.

You'd be surprised how much they can tell you about what they think and what they know. It's really important to listen more than you talk, and that can really give you a lot of insight into what your teen or youth is thinking.

Another piece that I think is great is to not always have the word "don't," so: "Don't do this. Don't get pregnant. Don't get a sexually transmitted infection."

It's good to educate them about the ways to protect themselves against those, but you could make sure in your discussion you have more "do's," like what can they do to be sexually healthy with a partner that they do care about? How can they address pressure to have sex when they don't feel like they're ready? And then who can they come to talk to about sex when they're ready to have that discussion? These are really important, and I think what also can be really important for parents is acknowledging sexuality is not necessarily the same as condoning or giving your youth permission to have sex. So it's important to share your values and your thoughts about these things in a non-condescending way, and then give your youth an opportunity to share with you what they think and what they feel.

So I think having this long conversation over all the adolescent years and really being a place that your teens can come forward and feel comfortable talking to you about these things is really the best way to talk to them about sex.

[00:02:41] Host Amber Smith: You've been listening to pediatrician, Aimee Steiniger, from Upstate Medical University.