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ALATEEN SHARINGS FROM AROUND THE WORLD Alateen changed my whole life I have been living in a home where my father abused alcohol for many years. These were the most traumatic years of my life. My poor mother and siblings all experienced verbal, physical, emotional and economical abuse from my father. I did not have any friends because I was too embarrassed that they would see my alcoholic father. He used to pick on me and degrade me. I was always too stupid, too ugly or just plain good for nothing. I eventually believed that. My hatred became so intense for him that I wished him dead. I was miserable all the time and I felt sorry for myself. My mother begged and cried that he should stop his drinking and he in turn would make promises that he would stop, but he never kept his promises. My father kept us awake at night and we had very few hours of sleep. My schoolwork suffered in the process because of lack of sleep. The situation at home became unbearable for everyone. At the young and tender age I became the family protector, the handyman and my mother’s confidant. In 1993 my father eventually sobered up in AA, my mother started attending Al-Anon and I was recommended to Alateen. In Alateen I met up with a number of teenagers who have one or both parents with drinking problems. Some of their parents stopped drinking, others had parents who were still drinking. I thought I was the only person going through the motions with an alcoholic parent. I attended my Alateen meetings very regularly because now I had to learn to cope with a sober father. Others with active alcoholism in the home, learnt how to cope and understand the disease of alcoholism. When I discovered and accepted that alcoholism was a disease many things became crystal clear for me. I learnt in Alateen that it was not the person that I hated, but the things he was saying and doing. I attended Alateen for five years until I went to University. Today I am glad that I attended Alateen and found it very helpful to share my problems with other teenagers who understood and did not criticize, gossip or make fun of me. Alateen changed my whole life. Today I have the confidence to invite my friends to my home and my father even enjoys their company. Alateen gave me new self-confidence and I do not have to go with the flow. I can say ‘no’ and mean it and feel a lot better because I’m my own person. Someone in Alateen once said ‘I am important because God does not make any junk’. I am not conceited today, but I put myself first and I am good to myself. Today it is with compassion that I look at a person who has a drinking problem, because I know that they cannot be held accountable for it. UNITAS, February/March 2001 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Love/Hate relationship When I was young my dad’s drinking didn’t really affect me because I was too young to understand. Only after my mom told me my dad had a drinking problem and after my dad’s drinking got even worse did it start affecting me. My dad’s drinking didn’t really affect my schoolwork. When my dad came home and started fighting and shouting I would get uptight and hate him but when he was sober I loved him. In Alateen, I learnt that it wasn’t the alcoholic I hated, it was the drink that I resented. When I first came to Alateen, like many others I had the wrong attitude, I thought, ‘Oh gee this is going to be fun. Now I would find out how to stop my dad from drinking’. But I soon found out in Alateen that I didn’t go there to stop my dad from drinking but to help myself. When I got well into the program I just let myself grow. I didn’t get into it straight away but my Alateen friends helped me, just by listening to them talk satisfied me. The slogans and serenity prayer have helped me a lot. ‘To accept the things I cannot change’ I have to accept that I can’t change my dad. ‘Courage to change the things I can’. I must have courage to change myself. I can only try. Out of the slogans the one that has helped me the most is ‘Let Go and Let God’. Alateen has helped in the way that I must trust in my Higher Power to take care of things instead of my worrying all the time. I’ve found in my Higher Power not only a Higher Power but a friend. I believe in Him to help me in the program and He believes in me. Coming to Alateen and sharing with my special friends and working the program has taken away all those horrible feelings of resentment and anger that I had before. It has also helped me to open up at meetings. Now I’m a new person. Others may not feel it but I do. The program has done most of the work. But I must also thank my mom for her love and caring during this time and all the time. Once again thank you, my Alateen friends. UNITAS, May/June 1989 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
My Life before Alateen I’d just like to tell you about what my life was like before I came to Alateen. Before I came into Alateen I was terribly afraid of my dad even though I knew he would never lift his hand to me. I suppose I was scared because being the youngest of three children, I always heard and saw the arguments and fighting in our home. Every weekend was the same story. On Fridays I would sit at the bus stop and tell my friends that I did not want to go home, but of course I would have to. Sometimes my dad would stop off at the pub or just buy a bottle. This was three quarters finished on the Friday night. When my brothers went out the fighting would begin. They would carry on until the early hours of the morning. On Saturday my father would referee soccer and after the game my mom and I would be left in the car while my dad had one beer. But that one beer seemed to take so long to drink. Anyway when we eventually got home my brothers would be ready to go out and soon afterwards the arguing would begin. I never had anyone to comfort me while the fighting was going on. When my dad hit rock bottom I remember him and my mom coming to fetch me from dancing and I didn’t want to go home with them because I was used to my dad saying that he is now going to stop drinking. I was very surprised to see my dad go to a AA meeting that night. Since my dad has joined AA the family has a happier atmosphere at home and I actually look forward to going home on Fridays. I even have my friends staying over whereas before I dare not even suggest this to them as I was afraid they would hear all the carryings on in our home. I was introduced to Alateen when my mom joined Al-Anon and she found it helped her tremendously. I have now been in Alateen for two and a half years. Alateen has changed me inside and outside and I have shared special feelings and problems with my Alateen friends which I would not share with anyone else. There are still the occasional arguments, but I know that I have nothing to worry about, in fact I actually laugh about them. Before my dad came into AA he missed out on us growing up and we were not very close but now that he has joined AA we are slowly but surely becoming a family again. Without the Alateen program I would not be the person I am today. Today I am self-confident, unafraid, understanding, caring and most importantly to me, happy. The program has shown me how to like myself and the people around me and to love living. I have learned that I have a choice to make in my life. I can be happy or unhappy. I have chosen to be happy thanks to Alateen. UNITAS, May/June 1991 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
No room for negative feelings Before Alateen I felt like a sinking ship in a violent storm with no way out. I was a self-centred child who expected everything to be done my way and I resented people who were happy. I was very reluctant to attend my first Alateen meeting and when I eventually walked into the doors of Alateen, I picked out every fault I could think of. I then realised that I needed to shut up and listen for once in my life. It was when I did this that I began to look at my character defects and let others deal with theirs. My Alateen meetings helped me accept everything and every one around me. Now I know that just like a poor wallet has to accommodate change, I have to do that too. Alateen is a new way of life for me and with the help of my Higher Power, I can make it better every day. My life is not a bed of roses, but there is no room for negative feelings. In Alateen there are no ‘teachers’ and nobody is above another – we are all equals with the same goal to better our lives. UNITAS, August/September 2001 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Peace and Joy Have you ever seen the moon lying amongst dark clouds and occasionally it disappears behind the clouds. Well, this is what I thought of my life. My hopes and dreams just seemed to be disappearing and then on one day the moon came out shining brightly, so brightly that it lit up my way of life. This is just what Alateen has done for me. My parents were constantly quarrelling and I was so scared of everything. I’d just lock myself up in my room and cry – but inside I was screaming. I hated those times. I was young and those memories burn inside me. Dad’s drinking caused an embarrassment, humiliation and sadness but then we found the fellowship and everything changed. Before I started coming to Alateen I was a total wreck. My life was surrounded by an alcoholic father and a nagging mother. I was full of resentment, self-pity and frustration. Our lives at home were totally disorientated and definitely unmanageable. Before coming to Alateen I had a hard time controlling my temper. But now the program shows me how to reverse the situation. When I take it easy and keep my temper under control, I learn more about myself and my relationships with other people are a lot better. Alateen is growing in a serene surrounding with a changed attitude. Our attitudes are most important in judging the kind of people we are. I was disobedient and didn’t even show consideration for others. Alateen has brought about a change in me. The real me. I have discovered that I am a worthwhile person filled with good things and that it is up to me to stay that way. I can be someone warm and terrific. Alateen has influenced me in that sense. I was guilty of bringing the past into the present. Yesterday seemed always to bother me today. It’s occurrences and memories. I couldn’t stop worrying but in Alateen I was able to get the burden off my shoulders and relax and enjoy today the most important day of my life. I have to make the most of it. One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves are the friends we make through sharing, caring and understanding. Alcohol is a silent killer that creeps in to invade and impose on the lives of the innocent. I have learnt to understand this disease which medicine has no cure for. I learnt that my dad was not responsible for the things he did. Alateen has taught me about tender loving care and how to use it to make people feel better. Love and happiness always seemed to be hiding somewhere and I was never shown these things that I wanted so badly. But now that I am in Alateen everything is coming up roses although along the way there are a few thorns but they can be pulled and life goes on. Alcoholism is a family problem and therefore I am grateful that I have a spiritual program to help me recover. Now that I am in Alateen I have become a clear thinker and more open minded with the help of the Twelve Steps, Traditions and Slogans. Alateen is the light at the end of the tunnel. It has shown me the best times of life. Alateen has shown me to sow seeds of love where only hatred could grow. It has turned my tears of sorrow and bitterness into pearls. I can thank God for giving me a wonderful new way of looking at the world and its beauty and I am able to appreciate what I see. Alateen has helped me to conquer wars and make friends. Alateen has given peace and joy and most importantly a loving family – one that I can treasure and cherish. UNITAS, May/June 1991 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Sharing Experience, Strength and Hope in Alateen
I would like to tell you what Alateen is about. Alateen is a fellowship of young men and women whose lives have been affected by alcoholism within a friendship or family. We help each other by sharing our experience, strength and hope. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. As long as alcoholics drink, their desire to drink will get stronger. Although we cannot change our parents, we can detach from their problem while still loving them. When our parents drink, their mental attitudes change and they do stupid and silly things, which also affects us. Alcohol robs us of many things. It takes away love, attention and brings disgrace, hurt and despair. When my father drank it was scary. He never physically hurt us, but emotionally, he could have killed us. Certain nights while he drank, we were too scared to stay home, so we used to run away to our friends home. Home was never home, it was a place where we ate and slept. Many a time my father lost his job and we had to move from place to place. He even lost a piece of land through his drinking. Material things do not matter. Love, peace and serenity are the most important things. We can overcome most problems by prayer. In Alateen we are often reminded that what we pray for, may not be what is best for us. I will not explain my problems to God for He already knows. He will do what is best for me. When I am faced with something beyond my power to perform, decide, or to cope with, I will not struggle on my own. I ask for His help and guidance. One of the most important things for me is the Serenity Prayer. We cannot change other people, only ourselves. To think is also important because without thought, our actions could result in anguish. I would like to thank my mother for playing a double role when my father was inactive. Also my uncles and aunts who provided comfort and peace, and for all they have done whilst my father was suffering. I thank God for His guidance and my mother and father for the path of happiness. UNITAS, May/June 1992 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Alateen to Al-Anon: It is indeed a Family Disease I found myself in Alateen at age 13. Unlike most rebellious teens, I wanted to go. I wanted a place to belong or just to fit in. Wow, did I find all that and more in Alateen! In the meetings I found other teens who were affected by the disease of alcoholism. Basically, I grew up in Alateen and then started going to Al-Anon. There seemed to be something missing, though. I think it was because I really wasn't doing much footwork. I slowly walked away from the program and then my Higher Power led me right back where I belonged -- to Al-Anon. I have met so many great people in the fellowship. When I came bck, they welcomed me with unconditional love. That is when I knew I was in the right place. When I was away from the program, I believed I was all alone. Yet, there was alwas something ot there leading me back to Al-Anon. Many gret people loved and missed me. Today I have matured a lot and now I can do so much more footwork. Working the Steps, having a wonderful sponsor, and letting the program just flow in me had made a big difference in my life. Today I can see the program growing in me "One Day at a Time." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon
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